Sometimes they work. Especially when you’re both busy taking busy to the next level. It has now been 18 months since my person and I lived in the same state and we have 12 more to go. We’re super codependent at night so sleeping apart is just the worst. Seriously, I hate it. But during the day we’re obnoxiously independent, as evidenced by our shared refusal to compromise our goals. We’re not jerks; we each happened to be given opportunities we couldn’t turn down at the exact same time. One of us could have set their goals aside for the good of the relationship, but instead we decided to have it all.
Best decision ever.
This accelerated nursing curriculum is intense, and the only thing I can imagine being harder than doing it alone might be doing with a partner’s needs to consider. Jared works for Amazon; I’m sure you’ve heard of them, they sell books online. And praise be to whatever-deity-you-choose that he is the type of person who hears 16-hour days and thinks bring it on. Don’t get me wrong; being apart is tough for all obvious reasons: hugs make everything better, traveling is stressful, texts don’t convey tone, watching NFL together on FaceTime is hard because his feed is always ahead of mine because everything gets to The South later. You know, basic relationship stuff.
But it’s easier for a whole bunch of other reasons: When one of us has to spend all day in class or working and then come home and continue working, there’s no one to disappoint. Our reliance on verbal communication has sharpened a set of skills I think are crucial to sustaining relationship happiness. We have found joy in new activities that the other isn’t at all interested in; for him it’s learning how to box, for me it’s watching network TV in bed while eating a cheese plate.
Point is, we’ve both got goals. And we’re in this together.
We liken our current arrangement to two members of the same tribe having embarked on separate expeditions to learn skills and gather resources so we can bring them back to the village and build a stronger hut. We’ve been together since we were tiny baby 19-year-olds. This is probably the only time we’ll ever live apart so we’re embracing it as a short part of the long journey we’re on together. We have become better apart and that will make us better together.
As for right now, I know it’s easier for me to be supportive of him working all night from afar and he doesn’t have a panic attack every time I eat in bed.
It’s a win-win.