Confidence is a tricky thing. From where does one derive it? I am an obnoxiously self-assured individual and am still finding myself feeling extremely insecure during this trying summer of isolation and expected growth. This is the time we’ve all been waiting for, right? It’s been a four year journey for me, almost to the day, since my mother-in-law looked at me and suggested I’d be a good midwife. And I decided to believe her.
It has been with the love and support of my family that I successfully made it to Vanderbilt. “Sure, completely change directions in life, we support you,” said my family. “$150,000 to follow your dreams? Go for it,” said my partner. I am fucking-hashtag-blessed. Both to have the family I grew up with and that which I have been able to make for myself. My latest home, Nashville, has brought me a group of extraordinary women I never thought would mean so much to me. It is because of you that I have made it this far in an obscenely challenging program, and it is you who I miss on these lonely nights in Tampa.
I think of the joys, sorrows, community and contention our group has dealt with and fostered and it brings me strength. I love how different we all are and how much we rely on each other. It would be an invasion of privacy to share with the web-i-verse the tender moments we are able to confide in one another via our private Facebook group, just as it would be inappropriate to share a video of my husband singing Celine Dion if such a video did exist. Point is, we are in this together and I am finally able to appreciate how much I need all of you.
I am grateful for your support and thank you all for being my friends. No one else can understand why an otherwise strong, adult woman might burst into tears whilst watching a Parks and Rec episode post-call except you (the Grand Canyon is beautiful and April and Andy love each other!) I expected this two-year detour to be a quick pause on my real life, but it has shaped me more that I realized, and for that I thank you.
This summer is hard. The insecurity is real and the self-doubt is crushing but knowing we are in this together makes it all a little easier. As a brilliant future midwife and president said — I’m not going to worry about it until it actually gets between me and the next step — I’ll be taking that advice to heart. And just in case this got a little too real and sappy, let this video assure you, my every sincere thought is dipped in sarcasm…. ❤